I Won’t Stay…. He Won’t Go.

I told him to leave me alone, and he climbed through my bedroom window as I lay there in silence, hoping he would go away.

He took my keys from my hand with such force, trying to prevent me from leaving, that he bent my car key, and my house key, and almost dislocated my pinkie. Six months in a finger brace, and over a year later, my finger still isn’t quite healed.

He put my phone in a plastic bag and placed it in the tank of the toilet so I couldn’t find it, so I wouldn’t leave.

He got long screws, and screwed them at an angle of the front and back doors, so I couldn’t open them to leave.

He took the battery out of my car key so I couldn’t turn off my car alarm and leave.

He let the air out of my tire in such a way that when I tried to fill it up, it wouldn’t take in any air. I had to have the tire replaced.

On Christmas Eve, I went outside to pack my car for a road trip, and found my car on two flat tires.

He called my job over and over again, knowing I’m a teacher and cannot receive calls outside of emergencies, making it impossible for me to concentrate and create.

He walked around outside my house until he found my car, then put flowers all around the windows, and Hot Wheel cars for our son on my windshield. It took my breath away out of shock and fear when I saw it. Knowing he was out there for so long, as I slept, made me feel violated, as well as vulnerable.

He blocked my car with his vehicle, so I couldn’t leave.

He blocked my car in with his body, so I couldn’t leave.

He hacked into my google map, so I couldn’t leave in peace.

He would hide my handbag, my shoes, pieces of the baby’s car seat, so I wouldn’t be able to leave.

I changed my phone number, and he still got it, even though no one I know would give it to him.

He parked outside of my house for a week, and refused to leave. He slept in his car, parked near mine.

He came to my window at 2am, telling me to come out. I stayed quiet in the dark.

He sent me a message from his mom’s phone telling me, “I just found him dead”. I was about to race there, until my sister told me to wait, because she didn’t believe it. It turns out, she was right. It was only to get me to react.

He called me and told me he had an abscess from shooting up heroin and he wouldn’t go to the hospital unless I took him. I had seen abscesses before several times, being that I had 3 uncles who were heroin addicts until they overdosed and died from the drug. Of course I took him to the hospital because I knew it could be life-threatening. Even while we were there, he was rude to me under his breath, and smiled at the doctor.

I have a no contact restraining order; he calls and texts, over and over and over. I block his number, he calls and texts from a text app. so the message will go through to me.

He has caused a scene at every place I moved to with family, so after 4 or 5 sudden, middle-of-the-night moves, I had to move to an undisclosed location.

I told him that my daughter is in critical condition and to please stop calling me because her doctors and nurses are calling from a private number, and so is he, and it’s making me a nervous wreck. Then at 4am a few nights ago, as well as last night, I was woken up by his phone call, which put me in a complete panic fearing the worst. I went to the restroom and my face was literally pale, I couldn’t even go back to sleep.

This all still continues day after day. He’s being absolutely relentless in his pursuit of me, and not taking no for an answer.

Even as I’m trying to write this, I get a message interrupting me.

This isn’t even a fraction of the stunts he’s pulled.

In all my life, I’ve never had someone downright refuse to let me go. It’s uncomfortable, it’s frustrating, it’s unbelievable, and it keeps me up at night. The drama never seems to end, or even let up. I don’t see my ex/son’s father. I don’t take his calls, I never reach out to him first even to tell him off. I don’t respond to his messages until I can’t take it anymore. Reading outlandish lies and insults about myself, by the perpetrator of my torment, is pushing me to the limit of what I can take.

I don’t miss him, and I fell out of love with him some time ago. I don’t like him as a friend, and the truth is, I despise him as a person.

I don’t think about him unless I’m writing about what happened between us, or unless I’m having flashbacks or nightmares.

He sends me a hundred messages, maybe 5 of them will be about our son. The rest are a mix of bullshit, and begging me back.

I just want it all to stop.

I just want him to leave me alone.